Mom’s Post on 5-year-old ‘Gay Son’ Gets a Million Views

5-year-old Boo as "Daphne"

Several friends forwarded me a link yesterday to a blog operated by a mother of two who posted a blog rant about her 5-year-old son’s desire to dress as Daphne from “Scooby Doo” for Halloween. The mother’s honest and bold description of her son’s desire, coupled with the “bullying” and judgment she and her son received from other parents has struck a nerve with readers, and while the more than 19,000 comments were primarily positive and supportive, some of the negative comments are indicative of the intolerance and hatred that adults pass on to kids.

In the wake of gay-targeted bullying in schools and the string of tragic suicides, this mom’s situation in handling her son’s choice of Halloween costume and her subsequent reaction to other mothers, speaks to people, as evidenced by the more than 1 million hits on the original post.

The mom, known as Sarah, is also the wife of a police officer, describes her son Boo’s (love that name) fascination with the cartoon “Scooby Doo” and his desire to dress as the female character Daphne.

From Sarah’s post:

So a few weeks before Halloween, Boo decides he wants to be Daphne from Scooby Doo, along with his best friend E. He had dressed as Scooby a couple of years ago.  I was hesitant to make the purchase, not because it was a cross gendered situation, but because 5 year olds have a tendency to change their minds.

Then as we got closer to the actual day, he stared to hem and haw about it. After some discussion it comes out that he is afraid people will laugh at him. I pointed out that some people will because it is a cute and clever costume. He insists their laughter would be of the ‘making fun’ kind. I blow it off. Seriously, who would make fun of a child in costume?

Sarah goes on to describe that as they arrived at school for a Halloween celebration, Boo hesitated to get out of the car and became anxious. After a brief discussion, Boo gathered his courage and the two went into the school.

And that’s where things went wrong. Two mothers went wide-eyed and made faces as if they smelled decomp. And I realize that my son is seeing the same thing I am. So I say, “Doesn’t he look great?” And Mom A says in disgust, “Did he ask to be that?!” I say that he sure did as Halloween is the time of year that you can be whatever it is that you want to be. They continue with their nosy, probing questions as to how that was an option and didn’t I try to talk him out of it. Mom B mostly just stood there in shock  and dismay.

And then Mom C approaches. She had been in the main room, saw us walk in, and followed us down the hall to let me know her thoughts. And they were that I should never have ‘allowed’ this and thank God it wasn’t next year when he was in Kindergarten since I would have had to put my foot down and ‘forbidden’ it. To which I calmly replied that I would do no such thing and couldn’t imagine what she was talking about. She continued on and on about how mean children could be and how he would be ridiculed.

Sarah’s disappointment in the other mom’s reactions and the discomfort that her son experienced is evident in her anger and recollection of the incident. Boo’s discomfort was not caused by his costume choice, but by the realization at age 5 that other people will judge and condemn others for expressing themselves.

Sarah and Boo’s experience also shows how deep American views on masculinity and gender roles can be and how hypocritical people can be when handling traditional masculine vs. feminine behavior.

If you think that me allowing my son to be a female character for Halloween is somehow going to ‘make’ him gay then you are an idiot. Firstly, what a ridiculous concept. Secondly, if my son is gay, OK. I will love him no less. Thirdly, I am not worried that your son will grow up to be an actual ninja so back off.

If my daughter had dressed as Batman, no one would have thought twice about it. No one.

But it also was heartbreaking to me that my sweet, kind-hearted five year old was right to be worried. He knew that there were people like A, B, and C. And he, at 5, was concerned about how they would perceive him and what would happen to him.

Just as it was heartbreaking to those parents that have lost their children recently due to bullying. IT IS NOT OK TO BULLY. Even if you wrap it up in a bow and call it ‘concern.’  Those women were trying to bully me. And my son. MY son.

A lot of comments dealt with the question of how Sarah could possibly equate Boo’s choice of costume with his being gay at the age of 5? Well, as a gay man, I can tell you that I had an awareness of my own sexual orientation at age 7. I didn’t associate my awareness or feelings with anything sexual, but it was an awareness that I was “different” somehow because I liked to play with Barbie or play dress-up with my little girlfriends in the neighborhood. If Boo is gay, then his mother’s support and acceptance will assist him in handling the bigots and small-minded people like the other mothers in his class. If Boo is not gay, then he will grow-up with an acceptance and appreciation for individual expression.

Bravo Sarah! Way to go Boo! You both have given a million+ individuals reason to examine this issue and helped to provide awareness that a public service announcement could never have accomplished.

Some of the negative comments:

–You should be ashamed of yourself as a parent and have your child taken away! To use your son as a political and/or social acceptance tool for your own ego is down right child abuse.

–Gays are not right. Gays should die. Fags have no rights. Fags go away!!

–I think you knew this decision was bound to create controversy, and I think you loved the attention it brought you. Similar to the Munchausen By Proxy syndrome, you were willing to “sacrifice” your son’s right-to-privacy by your craving for attention. I pity your son.

What do you think? Is the mom assuming too much about her son’s choice of Halloween costume or was she correct in addressing the other mother’s judgmental and bullying reactions?

Read Sarah’s original post here.