Welcome to The Stew’s weekly column of winners and losers, heroes and zeroes, foolish and fabulous, in the world of politics, news and pop culture.
This week: Texas secessionists, GOPer wants Corporations to Vote, birth control is poison, and Mike Pence takes up mantle of transvaginal champion……
A look at the bizarre thinking of secessionists in Texas, which will blow your minds! Would it be such a bad thing to let them go? I think not (I think they should be forced to vacate) – and The Daily Show shows us why.
The Daily Show: Did you know that Abraham Lincoln is considered akin to Adolf Hitler in the minds of secessionists? Well, that’s what Jessica Williams of The Daily Show found out when she ventured into Texas Crazy Land with Larry Kilgore and Lynn Troxel, where allowing talking on cell phones and texting while driving proves “how much freedom Texans want to keep” and where:
“A tyrant to me would be somebody like Hitler or Lincoln who comes in and murders the people for their own political gain.”
And then there’s Bob Wilson, who says Texas isn’t officially part of the United States anyway:
“Apparently, a clerical error in the annexation agreement of 1845 proves Texas never legally joined the Union. And Bob’s mail-order documents are both officially detailed and extremely well-laminated!”
So, Williams did the only charitable thing possible and brought these loony-tunes folks together via an epic voyage on a Mayflower semi-truck, and breathed a sigh of relief as she took her leave:
“As they settled in for what I can only imagine was a joyous first Thanksgiving, I suddenly knew the relief the British must have felt 400 years ago when these guys finally fucking left.”
I wish I could say that I’d miss them, but…
WATCH (story continues below):
Unfortunately, this week was full of ‘em, so let’s just dive in as Republicans across the country loudly and proudly fly their freak flags.
Steve Lavin: Montana State Rep. Steve Lavin (R), has done what we all knew was coming, it was just a matter of time. He has introduced a bill that would allow corporations to vote in elections:
Section 2. Provision for vote by corporate property owner. (1) Subject to subsection (2), if a firm, partnership, company, or corporation owns real property within the municipality, the president, vice president, secretary, or other designee of the entity is eligible to vote in a municipal election as provided in [section 1].
(2) The individual who is designated to vote by the entity is subject to the provisions of [section 1] and shall also provide to the election administrator documentation of the entity’s registration with the secretary of state under 35-1-217 and proof of the individual’s designation to vote on behalf of the entity.
Because “corporations are people, my friend,” as Mitt Romney once put it, and their rights are becoming increasingly more important than the rights of the rest of us.
State of Indiana: Just because Governor Bob McDonnell (R-VA) is being termed out of his position, that doesn’t mean that the nation will lose their infamous Governor Ultrasound. It would appear that Mike Pence may be poised to take up the mantle as “champion” of the magical wand as Indiana tinkers with the idea of medically unnecessary and forced transvaginal probes for women seeking an abortion:
Indiana Republicans are advancing legislation that would require women to undergo a transvaginal ultrasound prior to an abortion, the latest in a string of efforts by state GOP lawmakers to actively discourage women from terminating their pregnancies.
The provision is tucked inside Senate Bill 371, introduced by State Sen. Travis Holdman (R), which has passed a committee. Although the legislation doesn’t specifically say transvaginal ultrasound, its criteria would effectively require it, according to the abortion rights group NARAL Pro-Choice America.
I don’t have much to say on this because I feel like I’m starting to sound like a broken record. So I’ll leave it to my girl-crush, Rachel Maddow, to expound on the issue as only she can.
WATCH (story continues below):
State of Oklahoma: The red states are on a roll in their was against women this week, as Oklahoma joined the fray and introduced a bill that would allow employers to refuse to cover birth control under their group insurance policies because birth control is poison:
Under State Sen. Clark Jolley (R)’s measure, “no employer shall be required to provide or pay for any benefit or service related to abortion or contraception through the provision of health insurance to his or her employees.” According to the Tulsa World, Jolley’s inspiration for his bill came from one of his male constituents who is morally opposed to birth control, and wanted to find a small group insurance plan for himself and his family that didn’t include coverage for those services:
Women are worse off with contraception because it suppresses and disables who they are, Pedulla said.
“Part of their identity is the potential to be a mother,” Pedulla said. “They are being asked to suppress and radically contradict part of their own identity, and if that wasn’t bad enough, they are being asked to poison their bodies.”
Ah, yes, the crackpot “women’s health researcher” who obviously knows what he’s talking about. NOT. But a perfect playmate for the Party of Factless Fiction nonetheless! The march of stupid continues unabated. Thanks, Oklahoma, your mama would be so proud!
That’s it for this week! Join us next week for more Heroes and Zeroes!
Note: I always welcome your input via the comment section below. You can also nominate someone/thing for next week’s “Heroes and Zeroes.”