Turn out the lights…the party’s over. Or at least that is what Pope Benedict XVI has declared with his abdication (Popes can’t ‘resign’) as the Vicar of Christ. Like a good host that dispenses party favors but stays above the party pit of frivolity, Pope Benedict has watched as “his” boys tore up the playboy mansion, puked on the carpet and ran away naked.
Oy Vey, you boys never learn
Whereas Pope John Paul II seemed indifferent to the pedophile sex scandals, Pope Benedict XVI may have grown tired of dealing with the adolescence of his minions and chose to abdicate his throne and let someone else clean up the animal house of debauchery. Poor old Pope Benedict XVI was even thwarted from aggressively pursuing Father Marcial Maciel Degollado, a Mexican priest and founder of the Legion of Christ, back in 1999.
Party on Dude
Before Pope Benedict XVI became a “born again” pedophile priest prosecutor as head of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, then Cardinal Ratzinger, refused to remove an abusive priest in 1985. Just like a party goer at Mardi Gras, Cardinal Ratzinger was fully immersed in the party on Bourbon Street swinging the beads and flashing his chest at the crowds. The family that parties together stays together. However, that parade was soon to end as the child sex abuse scandals blew up and the Vatican, including Cardinal Ratzinger, found paying out millions of dollars to settle lawsuits was easier than facing the music with pedophile priests.
Even after settling a multitude of sexual abuse allegations, the party hangover kept giving. Pope Benedict XVI took another blow when it was revealed that celebrated, and now retired, Archbishop Roger Mahony of Los Angeles routinely shuffled pedophile priests around to avoid scandal and prosecution. So grievous was the cover up by Mahoney that Archbishop Jose Gomez stripped him of any administrative duties in retirement. Just because you are found to have pissed in the punch bowl doesn’t mean you aren’t invited to the party. So, Cardinal Mahoney will be traveling to Vatican City to vote on the next Pope.
Intrigue worthy of reality TV
But not all the late shenanigans by Roman Catholic clerics involved sex. Pope Benedict XVI had to endure the Vatileaks scandal exacerbated by his personal butler Paolo Gabriele who gave confidential letters and documents to Italian journalist Gianluigi Nuzzi — Jeeves never would have been so disloyal. The ultimate revelations depicted a Vatican laced with corruption, blackmail, financial irregularities to avoid money laundering reports, bribes and lots of personal infighting. In other words, the lights were flipped on in the party room and there were lots men in compromising positions lying about.
But will it have a bocce ball court?
Well, “Don’t cry for me Argentina” might be Pope Benedict XVI swan song from the balcony as he moves to a retirement on Vatican property. Actually, the Pope evicted a community of cloistered nuns from the Mater Ecclesiae monastery back in November 2012 to make way for his new pad. Can you dig it? I’m feeling the groove. The monastery, established by Pope John Paul II in 1992 to pray for the Pope and church, will now serve as the retirement villa for the Pope Emeritus. Why do a bunch of old guys need a gaggle of women praying for them anyhow? They have yet to take anything a woman says seriously, so why should they start now?
You can’t touch this…or me
As one last party is thrown in the Pope’s honor, the conclave of the College of Cardinals, the good old boy network of the Roman Catholic Church is in full swing. When a new CEO of the church is selected, a new party will begin. Instead of trying to emulate the dignity of aging as his predecessor did in office, Pope Benedict XVI will leave behind the spoiled clerics and enjoy immunity from prosecution over any conspiratorial role he may have played in covering up sex abuse of his house guests. Somehow I don’t think Pope Benedict XVI will be as admired as playboy Hugh Hefner. At least the playboy bunnies always put the furniture back in position.