Begging for Relevancy: Sarah Palin to Pen ‘War on Christmas’ Book

Give it up, Tundra Twit, your fifteen minutes of fame are officially over and nobody gives a rat’s ass about you anymore. Although, I suppose there might be one or two under-rock/sewer dwellers who might actually give a crap about your pending work of fiction.

Yes, Sarah Palin has decided that, no indeedy, she will not fade quietly into the night as darkness falls on her embarrassing stint as a politician pundit celebrity reality show has-been attention whore. Instead, she’s clawing at the last vestiges of her failed career as a – Fox Newser? Half-governor? Undisputed Queen of Political Idiotdom? Putrid, pus-filled carbuncle on the ass of political discourse? – and will write another book.

Have I ever mentioned how infuriated I get when I see someone like Palin granted a book deal – from Harper Collins, no less? As a writer, that very fact is an affront to all writers, especially when you consider all of the great writers out there who never get second, much less first, look.

Like putting lipstick on a pig.
Image: VeracityStew.com

And wouldn’t you know, she’s decided to write about the fictional War on Christmas in her new tour de force of supposed Christian oppression and persecution, A Happy Holiday IS a Merry Christmas (so witty AND punny!):

“Amidst the fragility of this politically correct era, it is imperative that we stand up for our beliefs before the element of faith in a glorious and traditional holiday like Christmas is marginalized and ignored,” Palin said in a statement released by her publisher, HarperCollins.

Wow, Christmas is being marginalized and ignored? Tell that to the poor souls who get trampled and crushed within an inch of their lives for crummy Walmart crap that no one will remember every Black Friday (or Black Thursday, since Christmas has completely swallowed the Thanksgiving holiday whole as to make it utterly irrelevant…but PROFITABLE! Mustn’t forget the blessed PROFITS!).

Still, there’s a niche for this kind of “literary” (HURL!) trash, I guess, because I’m sure the sandy (Compromise!)-haired, blue-eyed, totally Caucasian Jesus was blessed by the Almighty St. Nick and his Sacred Reindeer Fleet (Rudolph, chief deer-priest –non-child-molesting/raping priest, mind you — amongst them – red nose DOES NOT betoken LUSH, thank you!), who, incidentally, gave a lift to the swarthy equally Caucasian Three Wise Men (Koch Bros +1, yo!) who, truth be told, bore gifts not of gold, frankincense and myrrh (MAKERS not TAKERS, because, WEALTH! Drool…), but gift cards of Walmart, Target and Radio Shack (does Radio Shack even still exist?), maybe Sears (again…existence?), as they plodded through the sparkling, snow-capped, evergreen-encapsulated, magical winter wonderland that is Bethlehem (PALESTINE!) on December 25^th, and smoked their holly weed (POISON!) whilst kissing each other (GAY!) beneath the mistletoe (PAGAN!).

Choo-choo!

What’s that I hear? Oh yes, it’s a train wreck in 3, 2, 1…

Note to holiday shoppers who may be anxiously awaiting Palin’s seriously serious holiday cheesy whine-fest tome:   wait a week or two after the release, because – and I’d put money on this – I’ll bet you can find it in the $0.99 cent bin by then.

SCORE!